Size Matters!

Time for a double feature. As it turns out, the size of your wobbly bits might matter to heterosexuals of the opposite sex. These articles from The Atlantic report two studies. The first has do do with women's preferred penis size, and the second has to do with men's preferences for women's breast size. After all, what the world needs now is love sexual insecurity. Anyway, apart from both spawning bad innuendo, what these studies have in common is that they each showed computer models of men or women to the opposite sex to test the relationship between isolated physical traits and sexual attraction. Low and behold, sorry, nineteen out of twenty men, women really do prefer willies in the 95th percentile or above. If you or a loved one fall below that line, though, have no fear. Shoulder-to-hip ratio matters more by far.

"This is how to compensate, apparently."

-Science

The other half of our double feature is a little more interesting. I mean, sure, junk size matters to women, and, paradoxically, even more to men. "So, why is the equivalent study on the opposite sex 'more interesting?'" you ask, contemplating how the notion that men love large breasts could possibly be news, given that there are infinite expanses of the internet entirely devoted to enormous mammary glands. Seriously, by some measures, 40% of the internet is porn. Trudge through that sometime, and you will confirm that the data is skewed towards preference for larger breasts. Whoopdeedoo. Here is why the study is interesting: Men who idealize large breasts are more sexist. Yes, that guy staring down your cleavage is an asshole, but he might be staring down your cleavage because he is an asshole. Glad we straightened that out. It's not just men who are negatively sexist, either. Turns out men who held "benevolently sexist attitudes towards women" also preferred bigger boobs than their non-sexist counterparts. To clarify, it's like how that guy who assumes your Asian American friend is good at math has benevolently racist attitudes. Unfortunately, the journal article costs money to view, but the abstract is available here.

Subtlety is an art.